Titanic II: nothing on earth could stand between Palmer and the prow of a prank

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Clive Palmer says the design team has completed preliminary work on Titanic 2, and "all the money I've got is the budget" but that "no pensioners will be allowed in the Casino".

There is something irresistible in imagining Clive Palmer in the third-class 'tween-decks of his Titanic II, the bodhran pounding, the fiddles flying and the uillean pipes wailing, Guinness spilled and light feet a-jigging.

Could he please, please lure Kate Winslet down there for a wild reel? It would, without doubt, be the finest application conceivable of the billions surging from Australia's coal deposits.

Clive, you may be aware, has made it known that when his dream ship is built, he'll spend his time in third class because that's where all the fun will be.

Clive Palmer at the Titanic II announcement. Photo: Glenn Hunt

It seems rather more likely that Clive is having a wee bit of fun with all of us. Is there even a third class, once known as steerage, in a cruise ship any more, even if such a strata seems necessary if the Titanic II is to be a replica of the first?

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Well, let's imagine there will be, and let's imagine this fabulous fantasy will eventually float upon an ocean.

Third class passengers, Clive has declared, will be screened from the casino up in snooty first class because they should be saved from themselves. They couldn't afford to lose their money. And pensioners would be banned altogether.

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Titanic II: nothing on earth could stand between Palmer and the prow of a prank