Paige Spiranac Decks The Halls As The World’s Sexiest Mrs. Claus – Outkick

Its a Friday, were less than three weeks from Christmas, we have ourselves a full slate of NFL this weekend and Paige Spiranac is feeling festive.

Who has it better than us? Nobody, thats who.

Oh yeah we also have the most patriotic Saturday of the year on deck with the Army-Navy game set for tomorrow. My goodness. What a damn weekend!

On that note, welcome to a Friday Nightcaps where I do my best to power us all through the final hour of the work week as we all sip on our Yetis full of whiskey during the days final zoom call. Allegedly, of course.

Yes, were gonna deck the halls with Pageviews Paige Spiranac today. Nobody has the Mrs. Claus market cornered quite like she does.

Were also going to do some shopping at the Kroger and hope we dont catch a fist to the face, and then hit the Dunkin drive-thru on the way home because my experience from earlier today deserves attention.

Anything else? Well, Will Levis sister, Kelley Levis, turned 23 this week. Feel like well end class with her, if yall are good. Well see.

Keep sucking down that ice cold Yeti whiskey and settle in for a Friday Cap to cap the week. Lets roll.

Look, I know we usually start with the reason youre all here on a Friday, but Paige Spiranac is gonna have to wait a bit, because we need to discuss this drive-thru nonsense.

Ive noticed it for a while now, but admittedly thought it was more of a Starbucks thing. But lately this morning, in particular I realized its spreading like a wildfire.

The drive-thru banter needs to stop. Like, now. Immediately.

I was in the Dunkin drive-thru this morning with The First Lady and we were in somewhat of a rush. I needed my daily breakfast coffee and a nice rogue so we pulled into the Dunks line because it wasnt too long. Thought to myself, great, this will be nice and quick and well be on our way.

And then it just didnt move. We sat in the same spot for a solid five minutes before we saw any movement, and it must have taken us 15 minutes to get to the giant board to make our order. It was insanity, because there were only like three cars ahead of us.

And then we got there, and the lady queued the mic to take our order. Thats when I realized why it was taking so long

Welcome to Dunkin! My name is (dont remember, dont care) how are you doing today?

Me: Great.

Thats awesome. Im doing pretty good, too.

Me: Awesome.

Yeah always good when its Friday. Cant complain.

Me: Yep.

So, what were you thinking today?

Me: Large peppermint mocha iced, creme only, turbo shot.

Nice choice. My favorite!

Me: Yep. Id also like

How about some food today?

Me: Mhm. Yeah. I also want a bacon wake-up wrap with

Bacons the best one. Can I interest you in some hashbrowns?

Me: Yep. Wasnt done. Ill take some hashbrowns, too.

You want them loaded?

Me: Nope.

OK! Got it. Have a great day, see you at the window!

Me: Yep. Cant wait.

Im telling you, that is word for word the encounter I had this morning. It was a solid 90-second process.

The First Lady got pissed because she couldnt believe I didnt initially ask the girl how she was doing after she asked me. I said nope, not doing it. Not now, not ever. Im not there to make small talk.

People who use the drive-thru are generally in a hurry, or else theyd go in.

I dont want to make a friend during my drive-thru experience. I dont want to learn what their favorite food or drink is. I could not care less. You work at Dunkin, life cannot be that exciting. It just cant be. Its impossible.

I want all drive-thru operations in this country to be exactly like the Soup Nazi from Seinfeld.

Order, pay, get food, go. Its perfect. You know who does it well? Chick-Fil-A. Those people are like robots over there, and guess what? There is no smoother drive-thru process in the world than Chick-Fil-A.

Be more like them, America.

Now, lets get back on track and into the Christmas season with Paige Spiranac, who puts a whole new twist on Mrs. Claus:

Come for the tits, stay for the tips is an all-time slogan. Nobody in this newfound Influencer age does it better than Paige Spiranac. Frankly, nobody even comes close.

Merry Christmas indeed!

Now, lets head back up the sky and check in with the airline industry. For this who skipped yesterdays class, we showed video of a #maskedup passenger wreaking havoc on a Spirit flight because he couldnt wait five more minutes to deplane.

For todays encore, heres maybe the grossest Mile High Club video Ive ever witnessed:

Now, I love shrimp, and I love garlic. So, I dont think Id be that pissed if I was on that plane and it smelled like garlic shrimp for three hours.

That being said, I feel like Im in the minority on that one because the First Lady (hey, thats two cameos from her today!) is sitting across from me and when I told her what I was watching she legitimately looked horrified.

Also, could you imagine walking into the bathroom on an airplane and seeing a giant ass battery hooked up to the sink like that? The balls on this guy must be massive. Unreal move. Not convinced the FBIs not showing up at his door today now that that TikToks gone viral, though. Head on a swivel.

Now, for as good as the airline industrys been this week, the lunatics fighting in public industry has been on an entirely different level.

First you had this from our neighbors to the north:

Then you had this from a courtroom in Mississippi:

And finally, we now have this from your friendly neighborhood Kroger!

Mount Rushmore of grocery stores? Why not!

No further questions.

Id also accept: Albertsons!

OK, rapid-fire time so we can start doing things that well regret in the morning.

First up? Charles Barkley just now realizing nobody watches CNN anymore:

For those wondering, Barkleys new CNN show debuted last Wednesday and averaged 501k viewers. Thats awful, for those who dont know. Sad. Come to FOX, Chuck! Jon Rahm loves it here!

Next? Now that we know that Bills HC Sean McDermott was a big fan of how the 9/11 hijackers went about their business, I figured it was as good a time as any to resurface this little gem from Joey Mulinaro:

Hilarious. Joey, by the way, is an excellent follow on Elons site. Hes todays version of Frank Caliendo.

As for Sean McDermott what a take. Just a wild, wild take.

Finally, I stumbled across this little story on Reddit today and it screamed Nightcaps:

A bunch of us went to Nashville for a bachelor party for one of my best friends. Were all Alabama grads (Roll Tide) and I still live in Tuscaloosa but most of the other guys have moved away so it was pretty much a college reunion.

We hit the bars downtown early and we hit them HARD, and pretty soon every drink was basically just a double shot of whiskey. We were ripping shots and also shooting our shots with every bachelorette party we met (there were a shit ton of them.) It wasnt even that late on the first night we were there but after drinking the whole day we ended up at Kid Rocks bar.

More shots, more beers, and somehow in my blacked out state the beer I was holding slipped out of my hand as I was leaning over the railing on the second floor and shattered on the floor below em.

Well we obviously get kicked out pretty quick, and I decide that Im just gonna call it a night and head back to the AirBnb. I was already pretty f*cking drunk at that point anyway, so it was probably for the best anyway.

Except somehow in my drunken state when I called the Uber, instead of putting in the address for the hotel I just clicked Home (I guess I thought the Airbnb was home for the weekend). You can probably see where this is going

I stumble around and finally meet up with the Uber and pass out pretty much as soon as I get in the car.

When I finally wake up I realize that Im not at the Airbnb, but back home in Tuscaloosabecause I had set my destination as Home.

At this point the bachelor party weekend is already f*cked for me so I just I get in my bed and pass out, and wake up the next morning to see that the ride back home cost me $1253.

Amazing. What a night! Is it on the Uber driver to confirm with the blacked out dude that he actually wants to drive all the way to Tuscaloosa? Maybe. But probably not.

He knew exactly what was going on and saw a $1k payday coming his way. A little dirty? Maybe. But its business.

OK, thats enough for today. Lets all say happy birthday to Kelley Levis before brother Will gets destroyed by the Dolphins Monday night.

See you then.

OutKick Nightcaps is a daily column set to run Monday through Friday at 4 p.m. (roughly, were not robots).

OG Mrs. Claus or the Paige Spiranac version? Email me at Zach.Dean@OutKick.com.

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Paige Spiranac Decks The Halls As The World's Sexiest Mrs. Claus - Outkick