The greatest enemy to your morning routine is your relationship – British GQ

As much as I love my boyfriend, every morning I have to wake up next to him, I wish I was anywhere else. As soon as the soles of his feet hit the floor of our bedroom, so begins his tyrannical morning reign, complete with incessant demands to get up and complaints about how he cant believe its so late.

The irony is that no matter how hard he tries, he cant make himself into a morning person. He always wakes up later than hed like, and so all of his mornings follow the same frantic pattern. And, because we live together, mine do too even though Im also, begrudgingly, not a morning person. Id happily lie in until midday on a weekend, but, like theinsufferable boyfriend stereotype, hes not content unless getting on with the day; yes, even if we went to bed at 3AM. So, who wins?

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When you move in with a partner, you both have to compromise on a bunch of stuff the feng shui of each room, whether you buy smooth or crunchy peanut butter, and, inevitably, what your nights and mornings look like. And, even though theres benefits to the latter, theres downsides too. You have to take someone else into account with your idiosyncratic nighttime habits no more cutting your nails in bed, for example, nor falling asleep with ASMR purring from your laptop on the next pillow. Their presence might also encourage habits you didnt have before midnight snacks, maybe, or staying up late to pontificate over whetherLogan underlined Kendalls name or crossed it out. Getting up early, say, for the gym, might also become a Herculean task when you have to leave someone else in bed to do it.

Sure, maybe we shouldnt be so codependent, instead going quietly about our respective mornings, but the being-in-love-and-attuned-to-one-another bit of the relationship tends to get in the way of that. As such, although were all in control of our own actions, its easy to blame your partner if you feel like your familiar routine is being screwed up. Then, suddenly, what were once small, insignificant grievances may start to impact the harmony of your wider relationship, la me and my boyfriend coming to loggerheads over his totalitarian morning regime.

If you start the day in the wrong way with conflicting morning routines, then you may end up feeling resentment and irritation, and the rest of the day may not go as well as planned, says life coachAnnie Fontaine. So what can you do? Its essential in relationships to understand whats important to each other, what makes your partner happy, and what is non-negotiable within the relationship.

Fontaine suggests agreeing on certain things, like the sound of your alarm(s), switching on the big light, and how much noise you can make. Plan ahead of each week how you will both function in the mornings, she continues. Compromise, kindness, and reliability is needed to navigate successfully.

While I resent compromise and kindness, particularly when the duvets being yanked off me at 8AM, theres merits to finding a middle ground, as differing routines can actually affect the quality of your sleep. Our circadian rhythms have a massive part to play in what time we wake and how alert we feel in the mornings, explains Maja Schaedel, the co-founder ofThe Good Sleep Clinic. It can be quite tricky if a night owl is in a relationship with a morning lark as this can lead to people becoming out of sync with their own circadian rhythms, which can disrupt sleep quality and even contribute to insomnia.

In order to create positive habits you need to create new, neural pathways. Its all about repetition of thinking and actions.

Unfortunately, Schaedel says, as our circadian rhythms are largely genetically determined, theres not much we can do to completely turn ourselves into morning people or night owls. Meaning: compromise it is. This might involve going to bed at different times, sleeping in separate rooms, or adapting your behaviour in the mornings.

The good news, though, is that the more you practise considerate habits, the easier theyll come to you in future. Neural pathways are etched into the brain that enable you to do different things, without thinking, says Fontaine. In order to create positive habits you need to create new, neural pathways. Its all about repetition of thinking and actions.

To try and encourage this habit-making, my boyfriend bought a SAD alarm clock, in an attempt to rouse him and, sadly, me earlier everyday. The clock simulates sunlight, gradually getting brighter and brighter, so when the alarm eventually goes off, its like waking up with the curtains open (which we cant do because we live on a main road). Its been fairly effective, generally helping us both wake up earlier than usual.

But if Id hoped it would be as simple as that a one-stop solution to his angst about waking up late that would result in happier and more relaxing mornings I was wrong. The week he got the lamp, I decided Id start going to the gym before work, meaning I needed my alarm to go off over an hour before his, effectively he claims rendering his useless. So here we are, muddling through with the occasional disgruntled 5AM groan, skipped gym class, or angry lie in. Neither of us are especially happy about it which, I guess, is the ultimate compromise.

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The greatest enemy to your morning routine is your relationship - British GQ