The Paralyzing Uncertainty of Not Knowing Whether Youll Get Sick – The Atlantic

I Google Image searched Craig Spencer. I didnt recognize him from the night before; he looked like so many people who had been at the bar that night. News articles said his Ebola test was still being processed.

When I arrived outside my boyfriends office, he tried to hug me. I backed away, feeling somewhat virtuous for doing so, as I could have used a hug.

Youre not going to give me Ebola just by hugging me. I dont think thats how Ebola works, he said.

Are you sure? I asked.

He wasnt, so I didnt hug him. Just to be safe. We decided the best course of action was to go home and call his mother, a physician, for advice.

While waiting for our Uber, we ducked into the lobby of an upscale seafood restaurant on 19th Street. The airy wooden dining room was filled with what now seemed like creatures from another planet: carefree New Yorkers in business attire, hoisting bulbous glasses of chardonnay to their lips. I couldnt help imagining all of those diners bleeding from their eyeballs. I chastised myself for being so dramatic, and then defended myself to myself. After all, if there had ever been a time for drama, this was it.

Meanwhile, our Uber driver couldnt seem to locate us, so my boyfriend canceled the car. Perhaps, I thought, the driver just unwittingly saved his own life.

We flagged down a cab. As we got in, I felt a flash of sympathy for the driver. I rationalized that at least I was exposing only one more person to my deadly Ebola, not an entire subway car full of people. After we gave the driver our address, I recorded his medallion number in my phone. Just to be safe.

Read: The quiet end to the U.S. ebola panic

During that cab ride home, my anxiety reached its apex. I tried to separate paranoia from reasonable worry, which was not possible, so my mind kept pinging around with nowhere to land. My boyfriend was behaving strangely because he was frightenedfor me? for himself? both?which scared me even more. As we crossed the Williamsburg Bridge, my Google search finally turned up the headline Id been looking for: Dr. Craig Spencer had tested positive for Ebola. The news was a punch to the gut. Ebola had infiltrated New York City.

At home, we called my boyfriends mother. I felt guilty calling her; she and I got along fine, but here I was, thrusting her son into the path of danger. Her brisk tones were an immediate salve. She was laughing.

Its ridiculous they closed the bar, she said. No one who was there last night is in any danger. I mean, maybe if you cleaned his blood off the bar. Or if you cleaned a toilet he used with your bare hands. A thousand tiny muscles in my jaw unclenched as I told her Id done no such thing. Ebola isnt easy to catch, she assured me. Even when the patient is contagious. And if he only got a fever today, he wasnt contagious last night. Theres zero risk.

Excerpt from:
The Paralyzing Uncertainty of Not Knowing Whether Youll Get Sick - The Atlantic