Junior E. Lee analyzes elections and predicts our next president

I was on St. Simons Island last week scarfing down massive amounts of corn-fried shrimp at the exquisite little Georgia Sea Grill when someone came to the table to inquire if Junior E. Lee had finished his analysis of the recent election. That really puffed Junior up when I told him that.

Part of his delay was due to time he spent treating Arveen Ridleys bull, Lou Gene, who had ticks in his nose and therefore was not interested in a bunch of cows trying to woo him into the pasture for some boy-girl stuff. I asked Junior how that all went. He said it went well and that when he left Arveens place, there were a lot of cows giggling and winking at each other and Lou Gene was leaning against a fence post trying to catch his breath.

Back to the analysis, Junior said that in his opinion the most positive thing that Georgias Democrats can take from the elections is they only have two more years to endure Barack Obama, who makes Jimmy Carter look like George Washington. I told Junior I thought that was a little strong. Junior said Malathion is strong. This is fact.

Was he surprised that both incumbent Gov. Nathan Deal and Republican U.S. Senate candidate David Perdue won so handily after all the talk by pollsters about how close their races were going to be? Junior said I know about as much about polling as I do about sheep dip fungicide. Junior and his pest control analogies.

Junior said polling firms do that kind of thing so candidates will commission more polls and pollsters can make more money before they disappear until the next election cycle. He says pollsters are like cicadas who are here for a short time and then gone; particularly those pollsters who have no other skill sets to fall back on like the pest control profession. While cicadas stay underground for 17 years, pollsters show up every election cycle. Junior says that is why he prefers cicadas. You dont see them as much and they arent as noisy.

Junior says now that the elections are over, I should have a lot of column material with liberal weenies whining and making excuses and right-wing wingnuts convinced that moderate Republicans are a bigger menace to society than left-wing Democrats and who will probably self-implode before the cicadas return.

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Junior E. Lee analyzes elections and predicts our next president