MANATEE FAIR: Physics major decides 'No, I can't'

Written by: B.S. Shenanigans on November 6, 2008.

After suffering through 10 weeks of Physics 482 Quantum Mechanics II, senior physics major Jeff Plumber has finally thrown in the towel.

Theres just no way, dude, Plumber said.

This bitter defeat marks the first major setback to President-elect Barack Obamas Yes, we can slogan, only days after Obamas inspirational speech. Although Plumber watched the speech, hes sure the stirring sentiments wont cut it in the classroom.

Yeah, I guess I got motivated and stuff when [Obama] gave that speech, Plumber said, but then I realized that we arent going to be taking my final; Im going to be, and Im [explicative].

Despite this blow, Obama has been made aware of Plumbers struggle and has promised relief.

We cant move forward as a country if the lazy and half-retarded undergraduates of America who cant make sense of a three-dimensional isotropic harmonic oscillator are failed out of class, Obama said in a morning press conference. A redistribution of grades is needed. The Asian kids have had too many breaks for too long, too many As.

Just because theyre way smarter doesnt mean they deserve better, Obama added.

Unfortunately for Plumber, the final day to drop classes or change from credit to audit was this past Monday. He acknowledges he will likely take a failing grade and plans to retake the course next semester, hopefully with Obamas new plans in effect.

Plumber is currently debating on how to best dick around during his newfound free time.

Continued here:
MANATEE FAIR: Physics major decides 'No, I can't'