For Valentines Day, chemistry sheds light on chemistry

Madeline McGilland her boyfriend Collin Fedor pose in Mugar Memorial Library Sunday. PHOTO BY NICKI GITTER/DAILY FREE PRESS STAFF

Valentines Day brings feelings of love, passion and sometimes resentment. It stands to reason that not every couple will end up happy ever after, but can science detect the signs before we get in too deep? Some studies dig into machinations of relationships and get to the bottom of what many of us overlook every day.

Every year, approximately 2 million Americans tie the knot, according to data from the National Vital Statistics System at the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. Some social scientists say a number of those marriages will be unsuccessful. In psychologist Ty Tashiros 2014 book The Science of Happily Ever After, he points out only 3of 10 marriages remain happy and healthy as a couple.

The divorce rate has not been increasing for a long time, said Lori Cluff Schade, a Utah-based licensed marriage and family therapist. It has actually gone down a little because people are getting married later or not at all.

Its still not good news for marriage. In 2012, the Journal of Marriage and Family concluded that marriage, compared to long-term relationships of couples who live together, shows small benefits. According to the study, there is a chance everyonehas been looking at relationship success through a small lens. Health gains were correlated with marriage, but, it argued, that may be due to Medicare as opposed to the relationship itself.

There is a huge expectation placed on relationships these days, especially with the media that we have at our disposal. We see a lot more of other peoples relationships, said Madeline McGill, a College of Arts and Sciences sophomore. The way youre broadcasting adds a certain amount of, Oh I need this. It doesnt necessarily mean that couples arent happy. I just think if we see someone elses relationship, you cant help but compare your relationship to theirs.

A lot of research on the subject comes from John Gottman, who in 1986 founded his Love Lab at the University of Washington. From his years of research, he has discovered the physiological difference between masters and disasters of relationships.

What he [Gottman] found is that couples who make it have five positive remarks for every negative remark in a conflict situation, said Leslie Brody, professor of psychology at Boston University. He brings couples into the lab and asks them to talk about an issue they disagreed on. The couples who ultimately dont get divorced are making 20positive remarks for every negative in calmer moments.

Gottman discovered couples destined for failure would shift into a fight or flight mode. When they were in the lab being asked about their relationships, their bodies were rapidly responding. Each person was ready to be attacked by their significant other. The couples who were destined to last were reporting calmer physical signals.

McGills boyfriend, Boston College senior Collin Fedor, shared his view on fighting in relationships.

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For Valentines Day, chemistry sheds light on chemistry