Driveways, and the exterior walls of your home, are some of the first things that guests or homebuyers will see as they arrive at your residence. Having your home and driveway power washed ensures that these first impressions will be good ones, but the benefits arent purely aesthetic.

A professional power washing from Power Wash Masters benefits the home in a number of important ways. Along with typical dirt and grime accumulation, springs warmer weather triggers mold and mildew growth. Power washing is the perfect solution to these dangerous nuisances, removing them before they have the opportunity to spread, causing structural damage, and even illness. Power washing can restore value to your home as well. Consumer reports and the National Association of Realtors write that a power washed home can help add thousands of dollars in value to a residence, with a real impact on curb appeal as well.

Whether your goal is to beautify your home, restore value, or protect your home from damage, Power Wash Masters is here to bring the new back to you, and your property. Power Wash Masters offers services including deck and fence cleaning, home exterior power washing, gutter cleaning, and structure cleaning, across Union County, Mecklenburg County and beyond.

Gary Simpson, owner of Power Wash Masters, said that the company focuses on exceeding customer expectations with every job. He said that he hopes to renew the excitement that customers felt when they saw their home for the first time. In order to continue to exceed these expectations, Simpson said, Power Wash Masters is constantly seeking to improve. Simpson and the company continue to improve, he said, by attending seminars, conventions and online education opportunities, maximizing efficiency of procedure to provide the best value to the customer.

Power Wash Masters is a proud member of the Union County Chamber of Commerce, and the Charlotte Business Network. Simpson is also a supporter of Changed Choices, an organization that provides assistance to previously incarcerated women as they re-integrate into society. Simpson and Power Wash Masters maintain the exterior of Changed Choices housing facility free of charge. Simpson plans to serve more charitable organizations as resources become available.

Power washing is an essential piece of proper home maintenance, and Power Wash Masters is the professional service that will get the job done right, and for the right price. The companys website at powerwashmasters.com features free online quotes to set you on a convenient path to a cleaner home. With just a quick questionnaire to fill out, the process couldnt be easier. A look at the sites photo gallery, and the companys many five-star reviews, will ensure you that youve made the right choice with Power Wash Masters.

For a free quote, and to discuss your power washing, driveway, or patio cleaning needs, visit http://www.powerwashmasters.com, or call Power Wash Masters today at (704) 991-5879.

Continue reading here:
Returning the New to You, and Your Home, with Power Wash Masters - Mint Hill Times

New 2019 Report onGutter and Roof Vacuum Cleaners Market size | Industry Segment by Applications (Commercial and Residential), by Type (Vertical Vacuum Cleaners, Horizontal Vacuum Cleaners and Portable Vacuum Cleaners), Regional Outlook, Market Demand, Latest Trends, Gutter and Roof Vacuum Cleaners Industry Share & Revenue by Manufacturers, Company Profiles, Growth Forecasts 2025.Analyzes current market size and upcoming 5 years growth of this industry.

The report on Gutter and Roof Vacuum Cleaners market is an all-inclusive study of the current scenario of the industry and its growth prospects over 2025. The report is a meticulous endeavor to present a comprehensive overview of Gutter and Roof Vacuum Cleaners market based on growth opportunities and market shares. The report presents a detailed outline of the product type, key manufacturers, application and key regions concerned in the Gutter and Roof Vacuum Cleaners market.

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Request Sample Copy of this Report @ https://www.aeresearch.net/request-sample/130736

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Major companies covered in the Gutter and Roof Vacuum Cleaners market report are as follows:

Gutter and Roof Vacuum Cleaners market has been segmented by product type as follow:

Gutter and Roof Vacuum Cleaners market has been segmented by application type as follow:

Additionally, the report discusses key trends driving the growth of the market, opportunities involved, major challenges and risks that are often confronted by key manufacturers besides presenting an overall idea of the market. The report also analyses in details emerging trends in the marketplace and their impact on current and future development of the Gutter and Roof Vacuum Cleaners market.

Research objectives of the study included the analysis of global Gutter and Roof Vacuum Cleaners market consumption in terms of volume and value based on parameters such as regions, application and product type based on data and forecast for the period of 2025. In an effort to describe, define and analyze the volume, value, market share, sales, competitive landscape, development plans and SWOT analysis for the ensuing years, the report focuses on key manufacturers and their actions in Gutter and Roof Vacuum Cleaners market.

The report analyses Gutter and Roof Vacuum Cleaners in respect to growth trends, future prospects and contribution of individual players in the Gutter and Roof Vacuum Cleaners market. It also reveals detailed information about the growth potential, drivers, opportunities, risks and challenges that influence the development of Gutter and Roof Vacuum Cleaners market. The report presents a comprehensive projection of the regional submarkets of Gutter and Roof Vacuum Cleaners along with the key countries where the submarkets are most dominant. It also analyses developments such as new product launches, agreements, acquisitions and expansions as well as provides strategic profiles of key players in Gutter and Roof Vacuum Cleaners market while highlighting their growth strategies.

An overview of Gutter and Roof Vacuum Cleaners market segmentation

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More here:
Gutter and Roof Vacuum Cleaners Market Share Analysis and Research Report by 202 - News by aeresearch

The Grammy-winning bluegrass band The Steep Canyon Rangers (from left to right, Mike Ashworth, Nicky Sanders, Mike Guggino, Woody Platt, Barrett Smith, Graham Sharp) call Asheville, N.C., home. (Courtesy Steep Canyon Rangers)(Photo: David J. Simchock)

The Grammy-winning bluegrass band Steep Canyon Rangers began playing together as students at University of North Carolina. Since 2009, they have worked with comedian and banjo player Steve Martin. They've put out two albums with Martin while also recordingtheir own. "Be Still Moses," recorded with the Asheville Symphony, is the band's latest release.

The Steep Canyon Rangers call Asheville, N.C., home. The group's banjo player, Graham Sharp, talked to The American South about where he goes in Asheville when he's not on the road:

Situated along the railroad tracks in the River Arts District, Wedge Brewing Company is located in the bottom level of Wedge Studios, a haven for artistic types.(Photo: Anne Roderique-Jones)

Asheville is absolutely covered up with breweries. It's kind of the Milwaukee of the South, I guess. There's enough breweries that they're pretty varied. When my kids were younger, we used to love this place called The Wedge Brewery, which is right by the train tracks. They'd set the kids up with a bucket of peanuts. The kids could sit out there and watch the trains go by while the adults could relax.

37 Paynes Way, 828.505.2792

Challenge your taste buds at Wicked Weed's tap room.(Photo: Wicked Weed Brewing)

They've done really well. It's so cool, because one of the guys who started and owns it had a gutter cleaning service and he used to come clean my gutters. They make all these weird sour beers. They're constantly unveiling new stuff. I don't think it's for everybody, but if you're into those then it's gotta be about the best place on earth.

91 Biltmore Ave., 828.575.9599

Nine Mile in West Asheville.(Photo: Angela Wilhelm/awilhelm@citizen-times.com)

It fits with the sort of the hippie vibe of Asheville. It's kind of Jamaican, but it covers a lot of ground. I get the Soul Rebel, which is salmon with a curry and a chutney. The owner's son runs on the cross country team with my son. These are people, like the guy at Wicked Weed, that you see around town, and I try to support them.

233 Montford Ave., 828.505.3121; 751 Haywood Road, 828.575.9903; 33 Town Square Blvd., 828.676.1807

Tastee Diner on Haywood Road in West Asheville offers breakfast, lunch and dinner.(Photo: Angela Wilhelm, /awilhelm@citizen-times.com)

It has really simple diner food, but you can also get a bourbon milkshake if you want it. It's a breakfast all-day place. Or if I want to meet up with somebody, sit down and have a good working man's cup of coffee.

575 Haywood Road, 828.412.5566

Getting' down at the Double Crown. The West Asheville music hall and New Orleans-themed bar celebrates its first birthday this weekend.(Photo: Steve Mann, Asheville Scene)

It's like the world's best dive bar. They'll have gospel night once a month with music in a style from the upstate of South Carolina and North Carolina. These gospel groups come in and rock this dive bar. On Wednesdays, you can go in and hear these cats playing this unbelievable honky tonk music. The whole place is up dancing and two-stepping.

375 Haywood Road, 828.412.5491

To learn more about Steep Canyon Rangers and their upcoming shows, visit http://www.steepcanyon.com.

News tips? Story ideas? Questions? Call reporter Todd Price at 504-421-1542 or email him at taprice@gannett.com.

Read or Share this story: https://www.theadvertiser.com/story/news/american-south/2020/03/06/steep-canyon-rangers-guide-asheville-beer/4797329002/

Original post:
This bluegrass band has a guide to Asheville you don't want to miss - Daily Advertiser

I Google Image searched Craig Spencer. I didnt recognize him from the night before; he looked like so many people who had been at the bar that night. News articles said his Ebola test was still being processed.

When I arrived outside my boyfriends office, he tried to hug me. I backed away, feeling somewhat virtuous for doing so, as I could have used a hug.

Youre not going to give me Ebola just by hugging me. I dont think thats how Ebola works, he said.

Are you sure? I asked.

He wasnt, so I didnt hug him. Just to be safe. We decided the best course of action was to go home and call his mother, a physician, for advice.

While waiting for our Uber, we ducked into the lobby of an upscale seafood restaurant on 19th Street. The airy wooden dining room was filled with what now seemed like creatures from another planet: carefree New Yorkers in business attire, hoisting bulbous glasses of chardonnay to their lips. I couldnt help imagining all of those diners bleeding from their eyeballs. I chastised myself for being so dramatic, and then defended myself to myself. After all, if there had ever been a time for drama, this was it.

Meanwhile, our Uber driver couldnt seem to locate us, so my boyfriend canceled the car. Perhaps, I thought, the driver just unwittingly saved his own life.

We flagged down a cab. As we got in, I felt a flash of sympathy for the driver. I rationalized that at least I was exposing only one more person to my deadly Ebola, not an entire subway car full of people. After we gave the driver our address, I recorded his medallion number in my phone. Just to be safe.

Read: The quiet end to the U.S. ebola panic

During that cab ride home, my anxiety reached its apex. I tried to separate paranoia from reasonable worry, which was not possible, so my mind kept pinging around with nowhere to land. My boyfriend was behaving strangely because he was frightenedfor me? for himself? both?which scared me even more. As we crossed the Williamsburg Bridge, my Google search finally turned up the headline Id been looking for: Dr. Craig Spencer had tested positive for Ebola. The news was a punch to the gut. Ebola had infiltrated New York City.

At home, we called my boyfriends mother. I felt guilty calling her; she and I got along fine, but here I was, thrusting her son into the path of danger. Her brisk tones were an immediate salve. She was laughing.

Its ridiculous they closed the bar, she said. No one who was there last night is in any danger. I mean, maybe if you cleaned his blood off the bar. Or if you cleaned a toilet he used with your bare hands. A thousand tiny muscles in my jaw unclenched as I told her Id done no such thing. Ebola isnt easy to catch, she assured me. Even when the patient is contagious. And if he only got a fever today, he wasnt contagious last night. Theres zero risk.

Excerpt from:
The Paralyzing Uncertainty of Not Knowing Whether Youll Get Sick - The Atlantic

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Robert Kotei, a fisherman was charged to clean a portion of the Mamprobi drains after he was caught openly defecating in broad daylight.

READ ALSO: GES blame poor BECE results on Free SHS and teacher absenteeism

The Environmental Health Team, who caught him in the act of openly defecating in the gutter by the Korle-Gonno and Chorkor road in the early hours of 10 am tasked him to clean the drains.

He was given two options to choose from when he was caught either to immediately choose between Court action and cleaning the entire section of the drain. He chose the latter.

Speaking to the Environmental Health Team, he explained though there was a toilet facility in his community, he decided on the gutter because he was miles away from home.

READ ALSO: List of the 75 countries affected by the deadly Coronavirus and the number of cases confirmed

Robert Kotei expected to clean the Mamprobi drain for a whole week after which he will weed the environment.

See original here:
Man forced to clean choked drains after he was caught openly defecating at Mamprobi - GHPAGE

SEVEN HILLS, Ohio -- Residents on John Glenn Drive this week will receive hand-delivered notices from Lake County Sewer Co. regarding the start of the sewer rehabilitation project.

The project involves the installation of hydraulic seals and a pipe liner, as well as a cleaning and grouting of 33 laterals in the neighborhood from the storm main in the right-away up to the clean-out, which is near the private property line, City Engineer Daniel J. Collins said.

Were putting a grouted liner on the inside to make sure no stormwater gets in. It basically rehabilitates the storm line. Were not going all the way to the house, because the residents already took care of that themselves.

Initially estimated at $143,000, the bid was awarded to Lake County Sewer Co. for $150,643. The city is paying for the project out of its sewer maintenance fund.

The Willowick-based operation will be working -- weather contingent -- for the next few months. The upcoming project involves 44 homes on the street. Residents will be notified during various stages of work.

The John Glenn Drive sewer rehabilitation project is the result of the city hiring outside consultant AECOM to study public and private sanitary sewers using flow monitors within the sanitary sewer system and performing various smoke- and dye-testing procedures.

The testing revealed that 27 homes on John Glenn Drive had gutter/downspout and/or foundation drains that were infiltrating into the public sanitary sewer main.

We found out that the sanitary sewers on John Glenn Drive were getting a lot of I/I -- inflow and infiltration -- into these sewer lines, which is rainwater, Collins said. Sanitary sewers are not designed to handle rainwater. Theyre designed to simply handle sanitary sewage.

What that does when rain gets in there is over capacitates the sewer, causing backups into houses and basements. What this project will do is basically seal up these sanitary sewers, preventing any rainwater from getting into the sewer.

While Seven Hills was previously unsuccessful in obtaining Northeast Ohio Regional Sewer District (NEORSD) funds through the Member Community Infrastructure Program (MCIP) for the John Glenn project, city officials are hopeful grant money will be available for similar work coming to East Ridgewood Drive and Bayberry Drive.

AECOM is currently wrapping up a study of the area, Collins said. Afterwards, were going to be seeking 2021 MCIP funding. What we were told from the sewer district at our interview meeting was that they actually may even assist us with some additional information theyve studied in this area. Thats good, because they know were being proactive on correcting our I/I issues in the city. So were crossing our fingers about funding.

Mayor Anthony D. Biasiotta added, Were cautiously optimistic.

The city expects the East Ridgewood Drive and Bayberry Drive sewer rehabilitation project to take place in 2021.

The city is methodically going into areas weve had reported problems, Biasiotta said. Well continue working down the list as we complete one project and move into the next.

Read more news from the Parma Sun Post.

Originally posted here:
Seven Hills to begin John Glenn Drive sewer rehabilitation project - cleveland.com

The lack of snow this winter season has been frustrating for companies that make good money removing it.

Its been slow. Today is the slowest winter in the last six years Id say, said Joseph Mandell, owner of Better Lawns & Beyond.

Mandell says usually his crew of six jumps in their trucks when the snow starts to fall and they plow properties all over western Connecticut, from Danbury to Torrington to Canton.

This winter has been busy with work, though not when itcomes to clearing snow.

We do asphalt repair due to peoples driveways get deteriorated.So we will do asphalt patching and repair. Fire pits. Even since the weatherhas been, hasnt been snowing as much we can do cleanups, gutter cleaning. Evendone power washing this winter, said Mandell.

So far this season the NBC Connecticut First Alert meteorologistsreport weve received 25.4 inches of snow, though most of that was in December.

Thats 9 inches below normal.

And with five more weeks until winter is officially over,some are hoping for a change in the weather pattern.

That would be nice if it started snowing more wed be happy.It gives us more consistency. Its either that or if it goes away Id be evenmore happier if the sun came out and we could get into more cleanups and planting,said Mandell.

View original post here:
Contractors Deal with Slowest Winter in Years - NBC Connecticut

See, the problem in San Francisco too, the politics are just crooked, you know what I mean? And they can go sideways. They even undermine the people in charge. Nick Bovis, allegedly, on a wire.

A few years ago, your humble narrator and Rose Pak came across a pile of detritus dumped on a Chinatown street corner. This would not do. She whipped out her cell phone, dialed Public Works Director Mohammed Nuru, and the mess was cleaned in short order.

Thats what Mohammed Nuru did along with, per a 75-page federal complaint unsealed yesterday, many, many other less savory things: In summation, rampant public corruption.

Yesterday things went sideways and undermined the people in charge. It was revealed that there was gambling going on in the casino and nobody but nobody shouldve been shocked, shocked. When a 75-page federal complaint and joint U.S. Attorney-FBI press conference prompts newspapers to reprint Nurus lengthy C.V. of ethical breaches, readers and journalists alike can question how the hell he got this job.

But thats missing the point. That C.V. got him this job. And his ability to field phone calls from the citys power players and solve their problems expediently kept it for him.

This is the third time were reporting this, but it seems warranted: Multiple sources this month confirmed to Mission Local that Nurus Public Works cleaning crews showed up ahead of time to spots on the mayors daily itinerary, and power-washed them before she arrived.

Nuru got his job because he was a man who would do what he was asked to do. And he kept his job because he didnt need to be asked to do things like this.

Several outrage cycles ago, residents of the San Francisco side street Clinton Park placed boulders on the sidewalk sans any permitting or municipal permission to deter homeless campers or alleged dope-dealers. Incensed homeless advocates repeatedly rolled the boulders into the gutter. And Nurus Public Works crews saw fit to spend time and money repeatedly hoisting the outlaw emplacements back onto the curb. The real problem, in Nurus own words, was that larger boulders were required.

Mohammed Nuru was the larger boulder. He was hard and blunt and able to solve problems in a quick and unsophisticated manner. Or not solve them. Depends who called.

Those boulders served as a clumsy metaphor for life writ large in this city. And, now, so does Nuru.

U.S. Attorney David Anderson addresses the media on Tuesday regarding charges filed against Mohammed Nuru and Nick Bovis. He is flanked by U.S. Attorneys to his right, and FBI agents to his left. To Andersons immediate left is FBI Special Agent In Charge Jack Bennett.

The FBI and the US Attorneys office spent an awful lot of time and money busting up a conspiracy to bribe an airport commissioner $5,000 to open up a chicken shack at SFO.

A conspiracy that did not, it turns out, come to fruition.

San Francisco considers itself a sophisticated city, but this is what our highly compensated public officials get caught doing on federal wiretaps.

Per the complaint, Nuru was also bribed with a tractor.

Well, thats got to rankle. As does handing the FOX News Needles-and-Feces Filth Porn contingent so much material to work with.

And there is a lot of material in this federal complaint, even if the fraud charges that could put away Nuru and restaurateur Nick Bovis for 20 years are jarringly small-time: A chicken shack at the airport; bid-rigging an outhouse contract; having city-employed contractors working on your dacha (and gifting you a John Deere tractor).

But its not the plot. Its the scenery. An atmosphere of casual corruption is revealed here, and as US Attorney David Anderson noted yesterday, the unnamed players CONTRACTOR 1, DEVELOPER 1, even GIRLFRIEND 1 will recognize themselves.

Anderson urged them to run to the FBI offices and disclose what they know. Or well do it the other way. (Actually, Anderson said walk, dont run, which may have been a misstatement or may have been an acknowledgement that it was rainy and slippery on Tuesday. Whatever).

Nuru, it seems, is up to his neck in a pile of the stuff that so delights FOX News. As revealed yesterday, he was first arrested on Jan. 21 and promised to cooperate with the broad, long-running investigation and keep its existence secret.

But this did not happen. Per the feds, Nuru did the opposite and began informing people about the baited trap. The feds are angry, and one of the implicit rationales for yesterdays press conference was to impart that message to CONTRACTOR 1 and DEVELOPER 1 and all the rest.

The feds hoped to use Nuru as a Trojan Horse to ensnare more and bigger players in one neat move. But it seems he ruined this plan, and now they have to make case after case. Not only is he facing 20 years for alleged fraud, but five more for purportedly lying to the FBI about spilling the beans a preposterous thing to do, considering Nuru was so wired up the FBI probably knew how often he went to the john.

Nuru is a good soldier. But 25 years is a lot of leverage. It will be interesting to see how hard the feds want to pull this thread. Because if they pull hard enough, theyll unravel the whole sweater.

Some of you may recall those old Dianetics commercials, in which all of lifes problems were rattled off along with corresponding page numbers in which they were addressed (What causes negative thinking? Page 72).

The complaint against Nuru and Bovis is a bit like that. Whos the Chinese billionaire who wined and dined Nuru and purportedly received behind-the-scenes help on a project in San Francisco? Page 55.

So, lets take a look at Page 55, which is pasted above. What project might that be? And what did Nuru do to help the man who, per a wiretap of his call to GIRLFRIEND 1 gifted him some stone (uncut stones? Perhaps the feds know) and thousands of dollars worth of booze.

A bit, it seems. Your humble narrator has learned from numerous sources that the project in question is at 555 Fulton St. That project is being undertaken by the Chinese-owned development outfit Z&L Properties. Searching on city websites, it seems that there are no records for some of the work being described in the federal wiretap and, importantly, that other work appears to have been done over the counter when far more extensive time and observation should have been required.

We are informed by numerous sources that the permitting for this project was handled by expediter Walter Wong. Connecting the dots, that would make Wong CONTRACTOR 2.

A call to Wongs office rang about seven or eight times this morning before a woman picked up the phone. She said she had nothing to say about Wongs alleged appearance in the complaint.

She also refused to confirm whether the FBI raided Wongs office yesterday as multiple sources have told us they did.

There is something akin to this to be discovered on nearly every page of the complaint.

If and when Nuru decides to belatedly assist the authorities or if those named within run, walk, or otherwise perambulate to the FBI offices the guessing games will cease.

San Francisco Public Works clears a homeless encampment on 14th and Mission Streets, March 2017. Photo by Lola M. Chavez

Over the past few decades, Rose Pak, Willie Brown, and others have successfully seeded the government with legions of people, targeting the departments where things can be either done or undone. This has proven a highly effective way for a coterie of people to remain influential.

Mayor London Breed who, herself, comes from this political world has been handed a golden opportunity to undo the status quo in this city. If thats what she wants to do. Rather, minimizing change and containing damage may be the preferred outcome here.

Nuru has been placed on leave. Under Breed, former Health Department boss Barbara Garcia has resigned while under investigation for purportedly steering contracts to her wife, and erstwhile Muni head Ed Reiskin has stepped down after a litany of missteps including knowingly kneecapping the entire transit system and failing to tell the mayors office about it. Joanne Hayes-White also retired, after a lengthy tenure atop the fire department and Public Defender Jeff Adachi died. Otherwise, however, the citys cards have not been shuffled.

The powers-that-be are the powers-that-were.

But the sheer mass of information disgorged by the feds yesterday indicates that theres much more here and ferreting out clandestine tractor gifts and chicken shack bribes isnt the ultimate goal. Nailing the director of Public Works doesnt appear to be the ultimate goal, either.

Nuru is, among other things, the living embodiment of business as usual in this town of ours. That may change, but that may not.

Because, in truth, things didnt go sideways yesterday. They went sideways long ago. And everybody knew everybody. And they did nothing.

They undermined each and every one of us.

See original here:
L'affaire Mohammed Nuru: Is San Francisco a dysfunctional government or a functional cartel? Time to choose. - Mission Local

Got something on your mind? Email the Funbag. Your letters:

Carson:

What's the most despised dish to hand wash? Tupperware has to up there, along with any mugs or cups that aren't dishwasher safe.

Im gonna go ahead and strike baby bottles from consideration here, because many of you do NOT have kids, and you dont need me griping endlessly about having to wash Dr. Browns bottles and about sports bottles and about all the other domestic booby traps that await you in the future. Im only gonna rank grownup dishes here, for your sake and for mine.

Tyler:

Which is the proper way to reference the Memorial Day holiday/weekend? Is it, Memorial Day weekend, or Memorial Weekend? Theres a furniture store that runs ad spots on the radio and they always reference their sale as The Memorial Weekend Sale. It drives me nuts. Ive always thought it should be the Memorial Day Weekend.

You are correct. Ive never heard it called Memorial Weekend, not even by alt-right troophumpers like Gobby the Iowa trucker who go out of their way to remind you of the blood sacrifice our men and womenand by extension theymade for your freedom. Its Memorial Day weekend. All the mattress sales tell me so.

Ian:

Which would be faster? An average schmuck throwing the hardest fastball he can, or Aroldis Chapman but he has to throw two baseballs, one with each hand, and at the same time? Chapman can take the faster of the two, but he's gotta actually try to throw both not just do his regular motion and kinda toss with the other hand.

Chapman still crushes the average schmuck. Ever go to a carnival and test out a radar gun? Every dudeand by "every dude" I mean mewho steps to the rubber for that game thinks hes gonna hit triple digits. Then the readout blinks 52 and that same dude (again, me) declares the gun broken and demands a refund. If youre a grown man and you can hit 70, youve got a certifiably live arm.

No matter. Chapmans fastest pitch clocked in at over 104. He can juggle faster than you can pitch. So if you forced him to throw righty at the exact same time, yeah it would fuck with his motion and what not. But he still has enough raw arm strength, particularly on his left, to get those balls smoking like they just re-entered Earths atmosphere. Its a sobering realization. Depressing, really. Aroldis Chapman is a shitbag. Why cant COOL people have all the bitchin throwing skills instead? Why does every farmboy bumper sticker enthusiast get those skills instead? It aint right.

Stephen:

My entire banana eating life, I have eaten them by peeling them from the top (where the stem is). Recently, I was informed that this was incorrect, and that the proper way to peel a banana is from the bottom. Apparently, this is how monkeys do it. This can't be true, right? Opening the banana from the bottom feels like the action of an insane person.

It is, indeed, true. I learned this little hack from a Funbag reader years and years ago and I still deploy it, especially when the ripeness of the banana is iffy. If you yank on the stem of a banana that isnt quite all the way ripe yet, you know what happens. The peel doesnt break open and you end up mushing the top of that nanner into a fine puree. That risk is eliminated when you just pinch the bottom. Watch this actual monkey peel it from the bottom using his teeth. Not only is that monkey efficient, hes also ADORABLE. Be more like the monkey. In fact, HIRE the monkey to peel the bananas for you. Its the path of least resistance.

Rob:

Would you eventually go insane if you could never again use a blanket? Sure you could get some soft PJs and turn up the heat, but I don't think that would be enough. I know the animals do it. But I think eventually you would go straight up nuts if you couldn't avail yourself to a cozy a blankie. Am I correct?

So NO covers of any sort? Just you and a mattress? I think it would suck for a while and then you would get used to it. Ever nap without covers? Thats pretty easy, right? I think you could adapt to sleeping at night in a similar fashion. It would be horrible at first, but then your physiological need to fall asleep would eventually beat out you need to have a fluffy comforter draped over your body, and then it would only get easier on successive nights.

Relatively speaking, blankets are an obscene comfort, because comfortat least in the modern, material sensewas something that mankind neither needed nor had until recently in its lifespan. (I remember the author Bill Bryson talking about this in his At Home book.) I am very much a creature of the 21st century. I need blankets and duvets and hoodies and recliners and fleecy robes to keep my body and mind happy. I have zero interest in going back to the days where people slept on cave floors and shit. Because I do have some experience with roughing it at night. I have slept in abandoned school buses. I have slept on the floor of an airport terminal. I have slept on the cold hard ground. I have slept on trains and in cars. I didnt like ANY of it and Ill never do it again if I dont have to. But I did manage to fall asleep, if fitfully, those times. My ancestors were able to sleep without accessories and somewhere deep within me is the ability to do likewise. Does that mean Im not as tough as they were? WHO GIVES A SHIT. All I know is I want my robe time.

Chris:

So this past weekend, I was over at a buddys house for a day of Indy and NASCAR. About midway through the day, their Labrador retriever was ripping ass with death blow ferocity. Now - I'm partially to blame for this after fueling him up on guacamole and chips, little smokies and other shitty things a dog will eat. This dog cleared the whole GD room ... TWICE! But what I found amusing is I was looking at this furry bag of shit and I swear to God he was smiling like he knew exactly what he was doing. So, Drewwhat do you think? Dogs know when they're crushing people up with farts? I say yes.

They know when theyre shitting somewhere theyre not supposed to. I have encountered spiteful dog turds in my home. Those shits were not shat by accident. Those shits were premeditated. So it stands to reason that a dog could also use its limited cunning to make your TV room into a giant Dutch oven. Thats what I WANT to believe. In reality, dogs are fucking stupid and probably just farting to fart. But Id much rather construct an elaborate series of motives and thoughts behind a dogs actions in order to deepen my relationship with it: a relationship that the dog may not even be aware is, like, a thing happening.

Also, dont table feed a dog, especially if its not YOUR dog. I dont table feed my dog because I dont want him barking for food every time I sit to fucking eat. So when other people assume they have free rein to feed loose chicken scraps him, I wanna throw them into traffic. Those farts you smelled? That was the smell of KARMA, sir.

Jerry:

Is it just me or did Rage Against The Machine get totally boned by being 20 years too early? They wrote catchy, ANGRY songs about racism and the evils of unchecked capitalism. They practicality predicted the last 10 years beat-for-beat. But it seems like they will eternally be associated with dudebros that want to scream "Fuck you" in public.

Those same dudebros would have co-opted Rage Against The Machine in all the exact same ways if they had come onto the scene today. Take it from a white guy: theres nothing you can createno song, movie, book, or even memethat we cant rudely claim as our own, no matter when you created it. Also, like I said last week, virtually every form of rock has been put into cultural dry dock for the rest of eternity, so its unlikely that RATM would blow up at all in 2020. They could only have existed when they existed, and the best artists are the ones who put out their shit well before the rest of the world is ready for it. If that band came out now, theyd just be dismissed as some thirsty guys trying to take advantage of the dreaded cancel culture (that phrase was invented and used exclusively by assholes who have been cancelled) or some shit. Better to leave them where they were. Also, I dont want to wait any longer for "Bulls on Parade" to be released than is necessary. I dont like RATM all that much but that song remains a total fucking rampage.

Bo:

When you hit it big and you can afford to fly private, do you, or do you pull an Al Gore and still fly commercial (or pretend to)?

Money gives you license to indulge your deepest hypocrisies, so hell yeah Id spring for a private plane if I had a billion dollars. Im a thoughtful guy but Im not stupid. I crave ULTIMATE LUXURY. One time I saw pictures of the Seychelles resort where Prince William and Kate Middleton honeymooned and I was like THOSE LIMEY FUCKERS. How dare those two lovebirds get to bask in absolute paradise while Im stuck in a warm and pleasant house with central air, efficient WiFi, and two cars in the driveway? Its a CRIME, I tell you.

For all my corny liberalism, I still BEG to be filthy rich. I wanna fly in private planes. I want membership at every country club. I wanna stay in the biggest rooms of only the nicest hotels. I want to have whatever the nicest Mercedes is. I want a vacation house (mansion) in Mustique. None of my nascent Bernie Broism has curbed those appetites. I want a utopian world where everyone has access to healthcare and a living wage, and I also want be a fucking billionaire in that utopia. I would buy a plane from the Emirates fleet to call my own. The flat beds. The caviar service. All that shit. Very safe, but also very prickish.

I would not fly in helicopters, though. Im not being flip about that. I lived through NASCAR legend Davey Allison dying in a helicopter crash, and now Ive lived through Kobe Bryant and his kid and seven other people meeting a similar fate. Ive ridden shotgun in a helicopter. It was fucking terrifying. In 2017, your odds of dying in a helicopter accident if you took a ride in one were a mere one in 500. Helicopter safety is a legitimate issue and, when all of the initial Kobe grief has been absorbed, I hope that the crash that killed him spurs SOME kind of action to make choppers safer or, in the interim, to figure out ways to dissuade or even outright prevent civilians from riding in them, no matter how practical they may be for a wealthy and eager father on the go. Kobes death, along with the deaths of his daughter, pilot, and co-passengers, was eminently preventable. Thats a big reason why it was so shitty.

Mike:

According to my three minutes of internet research, there are three FBS football teams within a three-hour drive of New York City: Rutgers, Army, and UConn. None of those teams are very good. Since NYC is a large, underserved college football market, would there ever be a motivation for some really rich guy to establish a new college with the sole, unspoken intention of making a profit off of the football program? You buy 100 acres somewhere in the swamps of Jersey, hire a faculty, get the school accredited, then use discount tuition to get the enrollment where it needs to be for FBS (say...4,700, like Tulsa).

Theres no motivation to ever do that. If youre ass rich, you can already buy off a current college football program and sort out ways to profit off your black market investment. Thats how much every Power Five school operates right now, especially the haughty ones like Notre Dame that like to pretend theyre above all that shit. Why try to make that happen in New York, where youd have to compete with two NFL teams plus infinite other entertainment options? Theres a reason Rutgers has never amounted to fuck all, no matter how much money they pour into that godforsaken program. Youre not gonna have any better luck with, like, Fordham Two. Much better to set up shop in someplace like Tuscaloosa where college football is the only thing anyone cares about.

I lived in New York for six years and it is very much a college football wasteland. That city thinks of itself as too big and important to concern itself with such provincial sporting concerns. You can go to counterfeit "barbecue" places like Brother Jimmys to swill bad punch from mason jars and pretend youre still a diehard Virginia Tech fan, or you can go to an apartment with a scattering of Big Ten alumni who labor under the continuing delusion that their conference plays interesting football. But, in general, New York doesnt have the fans, the isolation, or the terroir to support some instant State U dreamed up by Carl Icahn. College football is big where its big for very specific reasons, and small where its small for equally specific reasons. Besides, theres no place to tailgate in Manhattan.

Chris:

Is there anything more infuriating than reheating some tasty leftovers, then discovering that they cook at vastly different rates? I made some damn good chicken, with greens and plantains yesterday and popped them in the microwave for lunch today for a couple of minutes. The greens and plantains were steaming hot -- too hot to put in my mouth -- but the chicken was cold. I had to put it back in for another minute or so to get the chicken to a safe temp, but this took the side dishes to fucking nuclear temps. I'm not gonna sit here and microwave all three separately and combine them into one plate. If I wanted to cook a whole damn meal again, I would have done so. Is there anything that can be done about this?

Are you at an office doing this? Im at home all day, so I can deal with staggered microwave times by putting the longest cooking part of the meal on the plate first, then adding the other shit to it as needed while its nuking. But thats a luxury you probably cant afford if youre at an office or somewhere else away from your own fridge. All I can offer you are a couple of ideas Ive stumbled upon during the course of my long and productive microwaving career.

First off, dont nuke everything on high. Use the REHEAT button if your microwave has one. Mine does not display a time countdown when I press it, which traps me inside a living purgatory wherein I must endure the strangely endless agony of watching food turn in a microwave while also not knowing precisely HOW long itll be stuck in there. But the lower the power setting, the more evenly the food will heat. Also, put a damp paper towel over the whole plate. Thatll act as a loose cover for the dish as it cooks, AND itll prevent the kind of explosive spattering that ends up painting the walls and ceiling inside the oven. Ever hear a piece of chicken explode while its microwaving? Its not a comfort.

John:

Top to bottom, which profession has bigger assholes, coaches or chefs?

Chefs. Ive played football. Ive worked in restaurants. Chefs are bigger assholes by a distressingly wide margin. I graded my chef bosses not by whether or not they were assholes, but whether or not they were LIKABLE assholes. That was best card I could draw from that lot.

Im sure things have changed in the more visible corners of the hospitality industry since my days as a table runner. But rampant chef worship has only gotten worse since then, which means that somewhere, in some halfway decent gastropub no one is paying close attention to, theres a raging prick who graduated from the Sorbonne tasing his own staff when they fail to garnish his celery root bisque properly.

Sarah:

Im at an airport and they keep announcing that all terminals are designated smoke free areas and they make the same announcement on the planes. How much longer do we need to announce this? Does anyone actually think you can smoke on a plane? At some point this has to become a given.

Its a given, yes. But they have to announce it by law, same as your doctors offices automated menu telling you to hang up and call 911 if your kidneys are falling out of your body. Its rote and forgettable at this point, but youve met smokers. If you give a smoker ANY opening to light up, theyll seize on like they just found the Hope Diamond sitting in the gutter. Also, vaping is huge now and vapers are even more liable to bend the rules because, compared to cigarette smoke, a cloud of vape has far less odor and dissipates quickly. Theyll vape on a plane. They dont give a shit.

I have weed carts at home and I do the whole vaper sleight of hand thing everyone does, where I conceal the pen in my hand and sneak in a couple hits while Im walking the dog. Its as close to engaging in modern espionage tactics as Ill ever get. Every vaper thinks theyre tricky like that, no matter where they happen to be. And that is why the safety video for Virgin America will have to remain 57 minutes long indefinitely.

Robert:

As someone who is graduating this May, what life advice do you have to offer? Everyone is simultaneously trying to figure different shit out all at the same time, and so far, its a massive guessing game. I have a trip to Europe planned and I am also waiting to hear back from a few companies. The fact that everything is so open/undefined is a bit worrying, but also slightly exciting. Should I go to Europe and never come back? (jk but not really, but possibly?)

Yeah, fuck it! GO. Get the hell away from this shithole backwater of a country while its power grid is still functioning. Other countries have beer too, you know.

Honestly, it seems like youre in a good spot already, what with fancy trips and potential job offers looming. You also happen to be in the best possible position anyone can be in if any of that shit goes awry. Go ahead and ENJOY the open-endedness of your present situation. Because once you get a job and maybe start a family, those open ends seal shut for a long, long time. Youll have responsibilities and those responsibilities are worthwhile, but they also prevent you from fucking off to tend bar at a ski resort for a year if you feel called to it. Like, if I elected to do that right now, my wife and kids would have a few questions for me. Itd be a whole THING. Waste time while you can. You wont always be able to afford to.

Tom:

I was recently at a movie theatre when a tornado warning hit the area. The staff sequestered everyone in the theatre in the designated shelter areas--the bathrooms. I was crammed into the men's room with 20ish other people of all genders. The social contract at this point is that no one is using the bathroom for its designated purpose now, right? Well, this one guy comes walking through the crowd, makes eye contact with people, closes himself in a stall, and proceeds to take a very colorful shit. After he finishes, he lets himself out, makes more eye contact with people, and heads out into the hallway without washing his hands. I guess my question is, what did you think of the Aladdin remake?

I bet it wasnt as good as watching that guy drop a deuce like a true baller.

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The Worst Dishes to Wash, Ranked - VICE

Vimal Kumar remembers school days not by the subjects that were taught in class, but what his mother was doing at the time. As the day progressed, Kumar would watch from the class window as she swept the school grounds, the classrooms, and lifted night soil from the toilets. After school, when others ran home, he would stay back to lend her a hand. Even 30 years later, the taunt of jamadarni ka beta hurts.Kumars family lived in Valmiki basti in Haryanas Ladwa town in Kurukshetra district, 150 km from Delhi, where no one went to school except for Kumar. The men worked at the grain stores in the mandi (wholesale market) and the women would clean the school and homes of the upper castes. As children we had to help out, Kumar recalls. Swallowing his hatred for school was a little more bearable than the thought of lifting dirt. So Kumar chose to study even as he spent afternoons helping his parents. It was not easy going though. He recalls failing class 7 and 8 twice. The teacher called my father and insulted him. It hurt my pride so much that I decided after that I would take my academics seriously. I would not give them another chance to laugh at my father, says Kumar, who is currently based in Washington DC as part of an leadership program at McCain Institute.

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They've gone from cleaning drains to earning doctorates - Times of India